What's In A Name?

I have picked up many names over the years, most are not really flattering, but what the hell, I suppose they are terms of endearment. Some of the better ones are Dino (and no not the purple dinosaur from the Flinstones), Big Daddy, Jackass, The Professor (my personal favorite), Gibby, and Mr. Slut (I really do not think that one will catch on). Some of the nicknames are obvious, some of them I have earned, and others I do not know what they are talking about. On the one hand I could say I made enough of an impression for the people to give me a term of endearment. On the other hand, I could say I have made a bad enough of an impression for them to give me a nickname. Either way, they remember who I am.

College: The Sleazy Frontier

A friend of mine at work took her son to college today and she does not understand the world of opportunities that lay in front of her son. She would not let me give him a pep talk before he left either. I am more than willing to be her son's mentor. I am sure my friend was going to shed quite a few tears when she left her son at the dorm on the campus and I told her that he should be knee deep in sorority girls at a keg party by the time she got home. There is a world full of sleazy opportunities that lay in front of him. The campus is full of strippers, future strippers, and girls that are just willing to get naked. My friend's son should be spanking more asses than a school teacher.

My friend is in denial about her son but I think it is important for any young man to get in touch with their inner sleaze. He needs to get all of the flooseys, tramps, and crazy women out of his system while he is still in college. He needs to wake up and not remember how he got there and wearing some girls 38 DDD bra on his head. That is where your real experiences from college come from. The classroom is just a small part of it. You have to learn how to handle booze, women, and your studies. That makes for a well rounded education.

Catching Up

One of my readers yesterday told me she had been catching up on "That Guy" which kind of surprised me because that guy has been kind of quiet this year. I just have not had that much material come my way. I asked my reader why she was reading it and she told me that she wanted to see if any of my blogs had been about her. She has definitely not given me any new material. That Guy has been trying to keep more of a low profile in recent months and quite honestly, it has been kind of boring. That Guy needs to get back in the field and see what is happening.

Life Imitating Art

I remember watching a Mel Brooks movie one time, High Anxiety, and there is one scene in the movie that quite often imitates my life. The scene is that Mel Brooks is sitting on a park bench reading a newspaper walking through a park in his suit and tie minding his own business and a pigeon flies over and shits on his right shoulder. He looks up like "what the hell..." and then another pigeon shits on him. He gets up and makes a break for it. Pigeons keep flying over and shitting on him. Pretty soon he is running through the park and these pigeons are chasing him and shitting on him. Mel Brooks sees a utility building and he seeks refuge in there. He is sitting on a bench inside the shelter and he starts cleaning himself off and then another pigeon shits on him. He looks up and the shelter he sought refuge in does not have a roof on it.

The moral of this story is that sometimes even when you think you have shelter, life still shits on you. Right now I have the King Kong of pigeons following me around.

My Life Is Like A Kayak

I was Talking to a friend of mine the other day and I was trying to think of an analogy that best described my life. I had been watching videos on YouTube of people kayaking the Narrows in Green River Cove earlier in the day and when I was talking to my friend, inspiration hit me. My life is like a kayak. I am drifting along in smooth waters and everything is going fine and then I hit the rapids. I navigate my way through some of the rapids and I am building up some momentum. Then a big rock in the middle of the river appears from out of nowhere and I get dumped on my head. I start taking in water trying to flip myself back over and then I have to start all over. That is what my life has been like over the past six years. My body and my psyche have taken a beating and right now I just want to get out of the river and put my boat up.