Hot Tub Manager

My girlfriend is a little on the gullible side which makes her an easy mark for me to have a little bit of fun with especially when it comes to anything sleazy I have allegedly done or might do in the near future. I have been kidding her for the past couple of months about me talking my landlord into getting some hot tubs on the property and letting me manage them.

A couple of weeks ago some plastic septic tank units were delivered to the property for some cabins he is going to build and my girlfriend came over later that afternoon. She saw them and asked what they were. I told her that I had talked him into my hot tub idea and that he was going to let me be the "hot tub manager" and I could quit my regular job to do this full time. She got pissed but she never would admit it. It was like a dark cloud passed over her face.

I could not convince her that this was not true and that they were septic tank units instead of hot tubs. I had to take her over to them and show her where they said "septic tanks" on them. She still stayed pissed at me for the rest of the night because she believed it was possible that I could talk my landlord into that. She was also pissed because I thought it was funny. I could call it "That Guy's Hot Tubs- Before You Get Dry Let Those Titties Fly". I like the sound of that.

That Guy: The College Years

If Saved By The Bell can do a very tame version of the college years, so can I. In college, I was that guy. I drank a lot, I was sleazy, and I was only concerned with what benefitted me. Some would say I am still that way. One woman I dated said that my belief that I am not that guy was "bullshit." She is entitled to her opinion, no matter how wrong and deluded it is.

In college, I played the part of the drunken college guy and I had plenty of friends to lead me astray. Think Animal House without the fraternity. I was more like the character "Larry Kroger" played by Thomas Hulce. Mostly on the outside looking in but I did manage to get lucky once in a while. My friends were kind of like a fraternity of misfits. I had a great time. I will be the first to admit that.

Most of my stories involve me drinking. It was courage in a bottle. I made a drunken ass of myself more times than I care to remember and quite a few I do not remember at all. I was, and still am, a shy person. I had my share of relationship disasters (like watching a train wreck) but at that time, I preferred not to be in one. It made life much simpler. The funny thing about that was that as soon as you told a girl you did not want to be in a relationship, she had to have you.

College was where I had my first stalker. Having a stalker was like a badge of honor for me. It was great until she came after me with a gun and I had to hide out at my friend Mike's apartment for two weeks until she calmed down. The night I broke up with Krissy, I was pretty ripped. I had some action lined up for later that night but I needed to get rid of Krissy first. I tried to be the good guy and let her down easy. I gave her the "you are too good for me" speech. She countered with "You want something worse than me?" I'll be damned. She had me on that one. I ended up getting rid of her, I slept with one of sorority sisters later that night, and that was when the gun came out. You would think I would have learned my lesson.

Something Has Got To Give

Something has got to give in my life and so far it has been my body but my stress level has been under attack lately. I grew up believing that a diagnosis of stress was a cop out for not being able to deal with life. You dealt with problems as they came up and you moved on. I really don't believe that any more. I want whoever is in my life at the time I die to add up all of the years that my job and my family has taken off my life.

I do not think that a stress free existence is possible any more. There are methods that can be used to reduce stress but I just need to figure out what they are. Getting rid of my family is not an option (at least a legal one) but not getting involved in all their drama is an option. Sometimes I feel like I am living a reality show.

Work is another story. I should work in a stress free environment. The powers that be have decided that is not possible. My job is not as difficult as they make it out to be. I know what my job is, what my priorities should be, and I should be able to just go in and do those and go home at the end of the day, knowing that I did the best I could do. They just cannot let it be that simple.

Boozo The Clown

I will be the first to admit that I know nothing about addiction and I have never really been around an alcoholic before. My roommate is an alcoholic. Since I am an aspiring writer, he suggested that I write his memoirs. A mutual friend of ours suggested the title "Drunk and Drunker." I came up with a nickname for him, "Boozo the Clown." He thinks he has led the most interesting of lives. I would beg to differ but then again, I do not see the world through "beer goggles." I have much different viewpoint than he does. Boozo the Clown sounds like a bad kids show on The Simpson's. I do not see myself writing his memoirs. I would have to get drunk first.

Common Courtesy

I have always considered it a common courtesy if you are going to hold an "event" and you actually want people to show up, you need to extend an invitation a couple of weeks ahead of time, so people will know what is going on. I think it is rude behavior to send someone a text message a day before you are planning something and expect you to be there. I have prior commitments I have to honor because I made those commitments. That seemed like a simple choice to me. The other party asked first and I accepted. Those are my plans, love them or hate them, I made a commitment.