My Own X-Files Story

I have never really formed a belief about UFO's. I have never really even given UFO's much consideration. I had a roommate once who was fascinated by UFO's. He watched all of the UFO shows- Ancient Aliens, UFO Sightings- and anything else that involved UFO's. He even dragged me to see that movie Cowboys Vs. Aliens. He ended up dying from pancreatic cancer shortly after he moved in and when I finally got around to clearing his DVR, he had 100 hours of UFO television shows recorded.

On the night of 6 September, I came home from work about 10:30 and I immediately leashed Molly up so I could take her for a walk. The skies were clear and it was a moonless night from my vantage point. We had just started walking down the driveway when I looked up and saw what I originally thought was an airplane flying over. I live near the Asheville Regional airport in the mountains of North Carolina so it is not unusual to see airplanes flying over. This plane was different. It was flying over Butt Mountain but this plane was more lit up than any of the other planes I had seen as well as being much bigger. It was oblong and saucer shaped and the white lights went around the perimeter of the aircraft.

There is a cell phone tower that sits on top of Butt Mountain and it has flashing red lights that are easily spotted. The aircraft flew towards the cell phone tower and then it just disappeared behind the mountain. The aircraft was very low to the ground and I was startled when it disappeared. I kept waiting to hear the crash or the explosion but it never came. The aircraft also never reappeared. I marked the spot where I was standing in the driveway so I could a better look at the spot I saw the aircraft in the morning.

I consider myself a rational person so I spent much of that night trying to rationalize what I had seen. I tried coming up with rational explanations but there weren't any that satisfied my rational mind. There are no roads up there so it could not have been headlights from a car. It was also not an airplane as it was too large and too low to the ground. It could not have been a smaller plane as I never heard the drone of an engine and it was too lit up.

I looked up UFO sightings in North Carolina and there have been many reported this year but not many in the western North Carolina mountains. One or two in Asheville over the past couple of month and a couple of more in Mills River but that was about it. The few sightings in the mountains I really can't explain either.

That Guy: College Advisor

I have been advising a friend of mine's son who just went away to college. He has been gone for about two weeks now, comes home every chance he gets, and has really not made any friends yet. My advice to him was to stay up there on the weekends, go to a few parties, go to a football game, and if things are still bad, go to a strip club. He will be surprised at how many friends he will have when he passes out a stack of singles and spends about an hour in the VIP room. Maybe I should set up a counseling booth like Lucy in the Peanuts comic strip.

What's In A Name?

I have picked up many names over the years, most are not really flattering, but what the hell, I suppose they are terms of endearment. Some of the better ones are Dino (and no not the purple dinosaur from the Flinstones), Big Daddy, Jackass, The Professor (my personal favorite), Gibby, and Mr. Slut (I really do not think that one will catch on). Some of the nicknames are obvious, some of them I have earned, and others I do not know what they are talking about. On the one hand I could say I made enough of an impression for the people to give me a term of endearment. On the other hand, I could say I have made a bad enough of an impression for them to give me a nickname. Either way, they remember who I am.

College: The Sleazy Frontier

A friend of mine at work took her son to college today and she does not understand the world of opportunities that lay in front of her son. She would not let me give him a pep talk before he left either. I am more than willing to be her son's mentor. I am sure my friend was going to shed quite a few tears when she left her son at the dorm on the campus and I told her that he should be knee deep in sorority girls at a keg party by the time she got home. There is a world full of sleazy opportunities that lay in front of him. The campus is full of strippers, future strippers, and girls that are just willing to get naked. My friend's son should be spanking more asses than a school teacher.

My friend is in denial about her son but I think it is important for any young man to get in touch with their inner sleaze. He needs to get all of the flooseys, tramps, and crazy women out of his system while he is still in college. He needs to wake up and not remember how he got there and wearing some girls 38 DDD bra on his head. That is where your real experiences from college come from. The classroom is just a small part of it. You have to learn how to handle booze, women, and your studies. That makes for a well rounded education.

Catching Up

One of my readers yesterday told me she had been catching up on "That Guy" which kind of surprised me because that guy has been kind of quiet this year. I just have not had that much material come my way. I asked my reader why she was reading it and she told me that she wanted to see if any of my blogs had been about her. She has definitely not given me any new material. That Guy has been trying to keep more of a low profile in recent months and quite honestly, it has been kind of boring. That Guy needs to get back in the field and see what is happening.

Life Imitating Art

I remember watching a Mel Brooks movie one time, High Anxiety, and there is one scene in the movie that quite often imitates my life. The scene is that Mel Brooks is sitting on a park bench reading a newspaper walking through a park in his suit and tie minding his own business and a pigeon flies over and shits on his right shoulder. He looks up like "what the hell..." and then another pigeon shits on him. He gets up and makes a break for it. Pigeons keep flying over and shitting on him. Pretty soon he is running through the park and these pigeons are chasing him and shitting on him. Mel Brooks sees a utility building and he seeks refuge in there. He is sitting on a bench inside the shelter and he starts cleaning himself off and then another pigeon shits on him. He looks up and the shelter he sought refuge in does not have a roof on it.

The moral of this story is that sometimes even when you think you have shelter, life still shits on you. Right now I have the King Kong of pigeons following me around.

My Life Is Like A Kayak

I was Talking to a friend of mine the other day and I was trying to think of an analogy that best described my life. I had been watching videos on YouTube of people kayaking the Narrows in Green River Cove earlier in the day and when I was talking to my friend, inspiration hit me. My life is like a kayak. I am drifting along in smooth waters and everything is going fine and then I hit the rapids. I navigate my way through some of the rapids and I am building up some momentum. Then a big rock in the middle of the river appears from out of nowhere and I get dumped on my head. I start taking in water trying to flip myself back over and then I have to start all over. That is what my life has been like over the past six years. My body and my psyche have taken a beating and right now I just want to get out of the river and put my boat up.