Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Via Con Deniro

Loosely translated, Via Con Deniro is Latin for "go with the money." When you get to be my age, money seems to be the motivating factor as to whether a woman will go out with you or not. I have been on a lot of these dating websites where the woman says that she is looking for love, a nice guy, a man who will treat her well, and blah blah blah.

Let me introduce you to another Latin phrase (one of my own creation) "pantus loadius." This basically means what a pant load and somebody just filled there underwear with a big load. The first thing a woman and actually this could apply to men too, notices is the looks. Then comes the profile. If you mention anywhere in your profile that you are "independently wealthy", your inbox will be blown up. If you mention that you are a retail lifer, should have been a character in Revenge Of The Nerds, and do not own a house near a lake, pond, or even a small creek, then your inbox will collect dust and more than likely be inactivated by the dating website.

There are two ways you can handle this. You can use the late comedian Sam Kinison's philosophy of "Fuck the truth. Lie your ass off." That may work for the first date or two but the truth will soon come out. Maybe you will get laid by then. You can't hide the truth forever.

If you choose the honesty route, you had better prepare for a lot of alone time, develop a fondness for porn, and get used to talking into the clown's head for the happy meal of your choice. I would also stay off the dating websites because you are going to attract psycho's like it is a bad episode of Supernatural.

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