Steve's Cadillac

I was introduced to the Ferris Zero Turn riding lawnmower yesterday, better known around these parts as Steve's Cadillac. It is a nice machine and a top of the line commercial riding lawnmower. The manager of the property used to keep one on the grounds but Steve started using it as his personal ride. Why stagger around the ten acres of land when you can ride the mower a la George Jones of country music fame and the drinking Hall of Fame. Steve was also of the opinion that since it was a commercial lawnmower that it could mow over anything- landscaping timbers, chicken wire, garbage bags- it really didn't matter. If it was in his beer goggles and in his way, it was fair game. Alas they had to take Steve's Cadillac away from him so he started using my dog Molly a sled dog/guide dog and that didn't last long either.

Bob Seger Is Talking To Me

This has been a rough couple of days and I always seem to find the meaning of it all in music lyrics. This morning the music of Bob Seger was really speaking to me. The first song that came to mind was the song "Beautiful Loser" by Bob Seger. I heard the song last night on some TV show but it made me stop and think about what I am going through. The words that caught my attention were

"Beautiful loser
Where you gonna fall?
When you realize
You just can't have it all"

I believe that I am on the right track in my life. It has only taken me 50 years to get pointed in the right direction but I guess it is never too late. I guess sometimes you have to be stripped of everything you have in order to appreciate yourself. I am still standing. I may be naked but I am still standing. This to shall come to pass.

The second Bob Seger song that comes to mind is "Turn the Page."

"And you don't feel much like ridin',
You just wish the trip was through"

This trip is over and I was beginning to wish the trip was through. That is when you know that it needs to be over. All of the aggravation and the headaches became a real drain on me and my creativity. Believe me, I need to harness every bit of creativity that I can. When I finally get pointed in the right direction, I do not need anyone else knocking me off the tracks whether they intend to or not. At this stage in my life, I have discovered everyone has baggage, no matter how big or small, but it is how they deal with that baggage that is important. I cannot let someone else's baggage weigh me down.

A Broken Toy

I have come to believe that I am a broken toy. I am here for the amusement of others and it is getting harder and harder to amuse myself. As soon as I break down, they are through playing with me. I take it out on people who do not deserve it but people that are supposed to be in my inner circle lie to me constantly, try to bend me to their will, and get whatever it is they want. There are times when I would love to stay drunk or stoned or loaded on pills but I will not allow myself to use those crutches to deal with my problems. It gets very frustrated and the more I get frustrated, the shorter tempered I get. Nobody wants to understand my issues especially if my issues are with them. How could those in my corner be a problem? My rant is over and the brief period of feeling sorry for myself is over, at least temporarily.

Life Through the Living Room Window

I try to approach life with a sense of humor and I often find my wisdom is comedy, comic strips, and if I want to get philosophical, I turn to music. The other day I saw a Calvin & Hobbes comic strip that described what I have been going through perfectly. Calvin and Hobbes were sitting on a hillside having a philosophical discussion. Hobbes asked Calvin if he believed in God. Calvin answered an emphatic "Yes! Somebody is out to get me."

I have sat here and watched life from my living room window for the past six months. It is like watching 3-D television with no commercials. It has it all. It has nature shows- the squirrels and birds running around playing with each other; it has drama- the neighbors threatening to sue because their driveway is washing out and they are trying to figure out how to blame me; it has comedy- the three stooges that work construction on the property that can turn a lunch hour into a three hour event and building something that should take a day into a week long project; science- the construction crew used divining rods to find a mud puddle right in front of them; and it has sexy- my fifty something year old neighbor mowing her lawn buck ass naked. That episode had me wanting to stab my eyes out and swear off nudity and porn forever.

I have started back to work now and maybe that will help break up the humorous rut I find myself in. Maybe life will quit using me as a human target now that I am back to being a "productive" citizen again. I am going to miss watching life's TV through my living room window.