A Broken Toy

I have come to believe that I am a broken toy. I am here for the amusement of others and it is getting harder and harder to amuse myself. As soon as I break down, they are through playing with me. I take it out on people who do not deserve it but people that are supposed to be in my inner circle lie to me constantly, try to bend me to their will, and get whatever it is they want. There are times when I would love to stay drunk or stoned or loaded on pills but I will not allow myself to use those crutches to deal with my problems. It gets very frustrated and the more I get frustrated, the shorter tempered I get. Nobody wants to understand my issues especially if my issues are with them. How could those in my corner be a problem? My rant is over and the brief period of feeling sorry for myself is over, at least temporarily.