Strippers And Porn Stars Part III

A lot of strip clubs have Porn Stars come in and do "feature" dances where they have the stage all to themselves for about an hour or so two or three times a night. They typically sign autographs and pose for pictures with their fans after their performances, for a fee of course, and most of them seem to make lots of money.

Most Porn Stars have huge ego's to go along with their huge boobs and that is why I have always preferred the local dancers in the clubs. I have seen some big names over the years- 1980's Porn Star Ginger Lynn, Jenna Jameson, Tera Patrick, and Kaylani Lei. Kaylani Lei was my favorite of those. She had a great stage show and she was the only one I met after her show. She seemed like a genuinely nice person and probably talked to me one-on-one for about ten minutes.

I have also seen some interesting feature acts at strip clubs. There was Roxy Leroux who advertised herself as the "world's tallest stripper" and she was 6'10" with her heels on. She was very pretty but she had legs for days. There was Alyssa Alps with 54 triple somethings and I saw her at a club called The Landing Strip in Greenville, SC. She came out and danced exclusively to country music. I do not know if that was her favorite type of music or she thought country music might appeal to us dumb hicks, but I only know of one other dancer that performed to country music and I have been going to strip clubs for twenty years.

I guess the moral to this story is to go local and to buy local (so to speak). I have met some beautiful women over the years at the local clubs that would really put these feature acts to shame and I am glad they decided to stick around.

Strippers And Porn Stars Part II

Strip Clubs are the ultimate places for guys to hang out. You can hang out with your friends, drink a beer or two, and get a few lap dances from your favorite entertainer. There was always a certain etiquette that my friend and I tried to follow and that was always built around respect for the dancer.

Dancing in a strip club is a vocation she chose and she is there to try to earn a living. That being said, it is also my money and I get to choose who I spend it on so the respect needs to be a mutual thing. I am more apt to spend money on a dancer who shows a willingness to sit down and talk with me for a few minutes and make an effort to get to "know" me. The girls that blow by and ask if I want a dance and never say a word to me is a real downer. There is a lot to be said for the art of conversation.

I have met a lot of interesting dancers over the years. I have met several that were in law school and they almost made me want to get arrested but, not in the club, and I needed to wait until they got out of Law School. I met another girl who had double majored in Chemical Engineering and Biology at North Carolina State and yet she made more money dancing. I consider myself a reasonably intelligent person but she made me feel like my Master's Degree Diploma was written in crayon. I met one girl recently who believed in reincarnation. She believed she had been a 12 year old Polish girl in a Concentration Camp in WW II. It was a real pleasure talking to these women and they went far beyond the realm of just being dancers.

Strippers and Porn Stars Part I

A blogger friend of mine and I were talking the other night and we were talking about ways to make our blogs better and how to expand our readership. We were talking about who we wanted our audience to be and who we were writing for, what age group, what kind of marketing we could do, and things like that. I have always been told to "write what you know." I know sports, history, and surprisingly enough, strip clubs. I know them from the customers point of view and it is always different from the outside looking in.

I started writing a book about mine and a friend's strip club experiences about three years ago. We went on a five day strip club binge about ten years ago and had a fantastic time. It was lap dances and VIP's from afternoon until late into the night.

Strippers are unique people. I became pretty good friends with some of them and still stay in touch with a few. I became well known throughout the strip clubs in Charlotte and still have a few that remember me even though I only get to Charlotte about once a year now. I am usually remembered for my silver, colored salt-and-pepper hair and the fact that I am a nice and respectful guy. I can live with all of that.

Life And Philosophy

Me and a Thai friend of mine were having a discussion the other day (she thinks I should move to Bangkok) and she is, by nature, very philosophical. I don't know if that is because she is a practicing Buddhist but every once in a while, she comes up with a philosophy that makes perfect sense. Today she told me if "If you stay in the same place, you will continue to have the same problems." A very simple but powerful statement. That statement can apply to life, to work, to school, or relationships. Moving to Bangkok would be very extreme for me but to quote the rock group AC/DC maybe I need to "Shake my foundation" a little.

Wino

The Late Richard Pryor used to do a routine he called "Wino." It was about the neighborhood wino and Pryor basically walked you through a typical day in the life of the wino and the wino's exchanges with people that lived in the neighborhood as he staggered through on his way home.

My exchanges with my alcoholic roommate are not closed to being that funny but I guess it is more of a sad/funny situation. There are days when I come home from work and I really just want to hear the sound of silence. With my roommate, I am never that lucky. I am never, ever that lucky.

When I get home from work in the afternoon, my roommate is sitting on the coffee table (why use a couch or a chair? He does have the decency to have a seat cushion on the coffee table) drinking his Milwaukee's Best Ice out of the can through a straw watching bad "B" movies on the SyFy network. When he has had enough of those, he watches every "Judge" show on TV that luckily for me comes on back-to-back-to-back-to-back. He thinks he has watched enough of those shows to where he could pass the Bar Exam. I doubt that he has passed many bars. If you are going to be delusional, be delusional big.

When he is really drunk, my roommate finds religion. That was also in Richard Pryor's "Wino" skit. "Yeah, I know Jesus. I remember when the boy got kilt. It was on a Friday.... down by the Railroad Depot. I tried to warn him. I said Boy, don't you go down there fucking with them Jews without no money." My roomie wants to slur his religious convictions to me and I realize "thou shall not get sauced" is not a Commandment, but I still find something wrong with that picture. I also get to hear about how his uncle was an ex-Mafia member turned Baptist Preacher. Luckily for me, my roomie has one of his sermons on tape. He makes me listen to that with him "for inspiration." The only thing it inspires me to do is to get up and leave.

Roomie is blessed with no shame, a cast iron stomach, and an amazingly resilient liver. I should be so lucky.

Boobs, Beer, And Basketball

This weekend was made for guys. Those guys. I have a three day weekend and I plan to fill it with boobs, beer, and basketball. Going to a strip club and watching a sporting event can be a real experience. Having a mostly naked woman sitting on your lap is the ultimate fan experience. Most strip clubs have big screen TVs and the key is to get there a little bit early so you can get a good seat, get a beer, and a enjoy a few lap dances before the game begins. If the game your watching is going real well you can even squeeze in a lap dance during commercial breaks. If your team wins, celebrate with a trip to the VIP Room. Go to your favorite strip club this weekend, drink some beer, watch some college basketball, and definitely see some boobs. It is ACC Tournament weekend and my North Carolina Tarheels have already made it to the semifinals. I know the perfect way to celebrate.

Drunk And Drunker

My alcoholic roommate wants me to write his Autobiography because he has had such a fascinating life and believes his story is worth telling. When I told a mutual friend of ours this, he suggested the title of the work be Drunk And Drunker. I thought that was funny.

My roommate believes that every story he tells is completely fascinating and just may include the meaning of life somewhere within its fabric. His Uncle was a member of Al Capone's gang until he turned Baptist Preacher, and that is just one of many. He has made me sit down and listen to the tape of his Uncle speaking to a congregation many times. Every time I listen to it, he swears I have never heard it before.

My roommate is right about one thing and that is there is a small part of me that would like to live his life. I would like to be able to sit around and drink my self senseless every day, not have to worry about work or any responsibilities at all, and depend on the kindness and support of life long friends to make it through life. Being a responsible adult really does suck and I wish I could stay drunk and drunker.

Staying drunk all of the time also includes the ability to have an excuse ready every time something goes wrong in your life, an excuse everyone should believe because it is the gospel and is the ticket to get out of everything. When the book comes to an end, all you have is a trail of empty beer cans and an emptier life.

Crashing The Family Reunion

It was late in the last semester of my Senior year in college and graduation was only about two or three weeks away. My friend Stan and I epitomized poor college students. We did not have two nickels to rub together between the two of us.

We were driving around Boone early one Sunday afternoon and we saw a sign for a family reunion at one of the local parks. I didn't think anything of it and Stan turned to me and asked in that deep, gravelly voice of his "You hungry?"

"Hell yes. I guess it is going to be peanut butter sandwiches again."

"Nah,let's see if anybody in this family can cook." He pulled into a parking place at the family reunion and he said "Follow my lead. He quickly added, "What is the worst they can do? Kick two hungry, upstanding college students like ourselves out?"

We tried out best to blend in, listened to a few bits of conversations and figures out that if anyone asked, we were Uncle Joe's second cousins from Virginia and we were indeed students at Appalachian State.

We were doing pretty well but some of the family members started getting suspicious when Stan was stuffing fried chicken legs in his pants pockets on about our fifth trip through the serving line and we quickly made our escape after that. We had a great meal, met some new friends, and adopted a family all at the same time. If would have only been right if we would have shown up the next year as well but we didn't.

A Step Back

Over the course of the past couple of months, I have been able to take a step back and take a look at my life. I have a better grasp of who I am and what I will and will not tolerate in a relationship. One of my good friends is fond of saying "It is better to be alone than to wish you were alone." I have decided I need to focus on a second career rather than work on relationships right now. I don't think being on an episode of Jerry Springer or Maury Povich would be the boost my second career needs.

All I really want to do is write. I have an intriguing opportunity to write professionally (at least semi-professionally because it would have to be done on the side). This opportunity comes in the form of writing about sports which would/should be a dream job for me. The particular sport I would be writing about is hockey which is great but I do not know the ins and the outs of hockey like I do the other professional sports. This could work to my advantage as I could possibly give the viewpoint from a novice fans perspective.

I have come to the realization over the course of the past couple of months that my writing is horrible and needs more help than electric shock could even give it. No one pays attention to my sports blogs, my claim to writing "fame" is "the Date Manifesto" and "That Guy". Those blogs get more attention than anything else I do. Most of that attention comes from ex-girlfriends disputing everything that I write because they think the blog is about them. Maybe I should write the male version of Ann Landers except give sleazy advice. That might actually be something I am good at.