When?

For the first time in my life last night, I had an automobile accident that was deemed my fault. It was decided that I ran a stop light. I have my doubts but I was honest and told the officer I did not know if I had the green or the red light. I am now going to pay the price for that honesty because the other party was believed and I received the citation.

In the past year I have seen those that lie and cheat prosper and I am no saint but I try to live a life where I treat people as well as I can, I try to be upfront and honest, and do right by people. I have made mistakes, I have committed wrongs, but I tried to admit those mistakes and offer an earnest apology. It seems that I am rewarded for trying to do the right thing with the absolute worst that people have to offer.

I am having a crisis of faith and I am losing complete faith in humanity. It seems that all I can depend on my fellow man for is to do the wrong thing. People that I honestly believed were people of faith have turned out to be the worst. They seem to believe that the rules of morality and human decency do not apply to them. That is very disappointing to me and that seems to be the cause of my crisis of faith.

I do not seek revenge and I do not wish ill will on anyone but when is my faith rewarded? At the end of my life? My spirit is broken and might even be beyond repair. I am not used to this feeling of complete helplessness.